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Does my butt look big in this?

I like big butts and I can not lie...

By Mandy Watson

Does my butt look big in this? Water butts are not pretty but they’re vital to irrigate your garden successfully.

My large butt was old, faded and leaky (ha ha) and the temptation was to buy a shiny new one, as it sits next to my new tropical bed.

Utilitarian plastic butts start from £18 (www.wilko.com) to the sky’s the limit price-wise for something more aesthetically pleasing, so I decided to upcycle it.

I fixed it up by installing a new tap and washer (about £2 and they should be a universal size), to repair the leak - a quick job leading to a totally functional water container. It’s a pain to empty but think of the money...

Now for its looks - hiding the faded green plastic. It sits at the only downpipe from the conservatory, so can’t be moved but handy for watering the new tropical inmates. I live in a peculiar house dug into the hillside, so the conservatory’s on the first floor.

My first thought was to screen it off with reed screening (similar to bamboo but easier to cut) but cutting a hole out for the tap to stick through was too big a chore and the reeds tend to slip if you hack into them. It’s a good, cheap option if you don’t have to cut it.

Instead, I gave it a Brazilian - no, listen - I 'dressed’ it in an authentic hessian Brazilian coffee sack. OK, I had to slash the back of the sack so it fitted (a bit like the chunky lasses you see poured into frocks two sizes too small in Newcastle on a Saturday night - I can say that, I’m one of them).

It really is one for DIY haters - pull it over the butt until the bottom seam is tight at the top. If you need to, cut a hole for the drainpipe to fit through, or leave it au naturel. As it hangs from the thickest part of the barrel, it’s no impediment to reaching the tap. Another benefit is that the hessian prevents rubbish falling in and soiling the water with the added bonus of stopping insects, such as mosquitoes and the like, who lay eggs in still water.

You can buy sacks on eBay or from www.bricklanecoffeesacks.co.uk, where you can choose your patterns from £2.

Bottoms up to hiding ugly butts!

Mandy Watson is a plantaholic who gave up serious journalism after 25 years to 'faff about with plants'. Aiming to make NE England the new English Riviera. Anything tall and with big leaves welcome. Friend to bees. She is, for better or worse, MandyCanUDigIt and runs gardening website www.mandycanudigit.com. You can snigger behind your hands and point at her failures on Twitter @MandyCanUDigit and Facebook.


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Does my butt look big in this?

I like big butts and I can not lie...

By Mandy Watson

Does my butt look big in this? Water butts are not pretty but they’re vital to irrigate your garden successfully.

My large butt was old, faded and leaky (ha ha) and the temptation was to buy a shiny new one, as it sits next to my new tropical bed.

Utilitarian plastic butts start from £18 (www.wilko.com) to the sky’s the limit price-wise for something more aesthetically pleasing, so I decided to upcycle it.

I fixed it up by installing a new tap and washer (about £2 and they should be a universal size), to repair the leak - a quick job leading to a totally functional water container. It’s a pain to empty but think of the money...

Now for its looks - hiding the faded green plastic. It sits at the only downpipe from the conservatory, so can’t be moved but handy for watering the new tropical inmates. I live in a peculiar house dug into the hillside, so the conservatory’s on the first floor.

My first thought was to screen it off with reed screening (similar to bamboo but easier to cut) but cutting a hole out for the tap to stick through was too big a chore and the reeds tend to slip if you hack into them. It’s a good, cheap option if you don’t have to cut it.

Instead, I gave it a Brazilian - no, listen - I 'dressed’ it in an authentic hessian Brazilian coffee sack. OK, I had to slash the back of the sack so it fitted (a bit like the chunky lasses you see poured into frocks two sizes too small in Newcastle on a Saturday night - I can say that, I’m one of them).

It really is one for DIY haters - pull it over the butt until the bottom seam is tight at the top. If you need to, cut a hole for the drainpipe to fit through, or leave it au naturel. As it hangs from the thickest part of the barrel, it’s no impediment to reaching the tap. Another benefit is that the hessian prevents rubbish falling in and soiling the water with the added bonus of stopping insects, such as mosquitoes and the like, who lay eggs in still water.

You can buy sacks on eBay or from www.bricklanecoffeesacks.co.uk, where you can choose your patterns from £2.

Bottoms up to hiding ugly butts!

Mandy Watson is a plantaholic who gave up serious journalism after 25 years to 'faff about with plants'. Aiming to make NE England the new English Riviera. Anything tall and with big leaves welcome. Friend to bees. She is, for better or worse, MandyCanUDigIt and runs gardening website www.mandycanudigit.com. You can snigger behind your hands and point at her failures on Twitter @MandyCanUDigit and Facebook.


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